I’ve noticed something about myself recently.

I’m very good at being busy.

But I’m not always good at being focused.

ADHD and dyslexia explain some of it, but they don’t excuse me from trying to build a better way.

I’m not good at resting.

That’s been a hard thing to admit.

Because from the outside, it can look productive.

I’m thinking.

Planning.

Replying.

Starting things.

Chasing ideas.

But underneath all of that, I can feel the cost.

I’m not fully on.

And I’m not fully off.

I’m somewhere in the middle.

The “grey zone.”

And honestly, I think that’s where a lot of the exhaustion comes from.

Not from working hard.

But from never properly switching off.

I never give myself permission to fully rest.

I’ve always had this working dog energy in me.

Give me something interesting and I’ll chase it.

I love that part of myself.

But I’m also learning it can become a downfall.

Because I find so many things interesting that I struggle to stop giving them attention.

And attention is expensive.

More expensive than I think.

When I keep spending it everywhere, I end up with very little left for the things that actually matter.

I heard this idea in my head recently:

A sprinting dog is powerful because it does one thing.

It sprints.

It doesn’t sprint all day.

It doesn’t half-sprint.

It doesn’t sprint while checking messages.

It goes all in.

Then it stops.

Then it rests.

The sprinting dog is either on or off.

Not somewhere in between.

Because what I’ve been doing instead is living in between.

Trying to do it all, all the time, creates an indefinite wheel of “meh.”

You’re working, but not deeply.

You’re resting, but not recovering.

You’re with people, but not fully present.

I’m learning that half-presence is one of the biggest thieves of energy.

It makes everything feel heavier than it needs to be.

There’s an old story I keep thinking about.

A master points to a huge rock and asks his disciple:

“Do you think that rock is heavy?”

The disciple says, “Yes, very heavy.”

The master smiles and says:

“Only if you pick it up.”

Maybe some things are only heavy because you keep carrying them.

A solution to this is maybe having a bigger “YES!”

Something clear enough and meaningful enough that it becomes easier to say no to the noise.

Because without a bigger yes, everything looks interesting.

Every message.

Every request.

Every opportunity.

Every distraction.

Every little fire.

And when everything matters, nothing gets your best.

So this is what I will be experimenting with over the next few weeks

(feel free to join)

I’m trying to define the finish line before I sprint.

What am I actually trying to get done?

What does finished look like?

When do I stop?

Then give it all your energy, then stop.

The goal isn’t to always do more.

The goal is to be fully where you are.

Fully in the work.

Then fully in the rest.

Fully with the people you love.

Not somewhere in the middle

Not in the “grey zone.”

Have a great week ahead

Kia Kaha & Love

Chris Xx